So we agree when the zombies come we feed em the teenagers first, right?

Why are so many lesbians vegetarian? Because they don’t like to eat meat ( )

Why aren’t lions cannibals? They can’t swallow their pride.

Wife: The zoo called Me: [wearing hat made out of live lemurs] they say what they want?

He called me passive aggressive. I just smiled and left. Cut his brake lines on the way out for good measure, though.

What’s the difference between Jesus, and a picture of Jesus? It only took 1 nail to hang the picture.

You know what cats don’t like? Blow dryers. You know what’s funny? Pointing your blow dryer at your cat. Anyway, I lost an eye today.

“Doc, you gotta help me, I think I’m a chicken!” Doctor: “How long have you felt this way?” Man: “Ever since I was an egg.”

Why was the Polaroid fanfiction ignored by the photography community? Because it wasn’t Canon.

Why is it called Windows 10? Because 7 8 9.