In Soviet Unicorn, rainbow poops you!

As a white person, I have a primal fear of getting lost in the snow.

I’m no longer interested in self-discovery; I’m more interested in self-medication.

If cops were really public servants they’d stop pulling me over and start cleaning my house.

What do you call a waffle you drop in the desert? San Diego ^^San-dee-eygo ^^^^sandee-eygo ^^^^^sandy-eggo ^^^^^i’ll ^^^^let^^^^myself^^^^out

How many people need to die before we fix… …this horrendous piano dropping problem!

print out the lyrics to “Girls Just Wanna Fun” and draw a red X through it all and you have the Quran, pretty much

There once was a man named Dave. He kept a dead whore in a cave. He said “what the hell, You get used to the smell, And think of the money you save!”

My son fed half of the petting zoo. That was the best way to dispose of the body.

What is the most awkward day in Harlem? Father’s Day