I get so angry when I hear about children being abused/named “Jaden.”

When is a door not a door? When its ajar

Why did u eat it??? A lady was pregnant. Her son asked her “Mom, What’s in u’r tummy?” Mom answered “Its a sweet, lovely baby.” Son says, “If the baby is so sweet and lovely then WHY DID U EAT IT???”

shit. the number the girl at the Sprint store gave me is MY number

My girlfriend snores very loudly Guess she knows how to sleep soundly

How do you make a door hold water? You open it slightly so it’s ajar.

I eat the pussy like mac n cheese I’m lactose intolerant

[Arkham Asylum] GUARD 1: that guy’s CRAZY *gestures to Joker’s cell* JOKER: *using Bing instead of Google* GUARD 2: *whispers* holy shit

hey, so much for global warming — look at all this snow! and so much for global globalness, look how flat it is out there!

“haha! silly rabbit! trix are for-” *rabbit puts a gun to the kids head* who are they for billy. tell me again who they’re for