Just read a book about Stockholm Syndrome. The first few chapters were awful, but by the end I loved it.

To all the people who doubted me growing up: looks like you’re gonna be right on this one. Well played.

Don’t lie you would touch all sorts of weird shit with a ten-foot pole.

What if the cure for cancer is in the mind of someone who cant afford an education?

I don’t trust stairs… They always look like they’re up to something.

Wanna screw with your idiot friends on Facebook? Post that Obama passed a law to stay in office a third term this morning. Praise Jesus.

Just skipped past a quote from Gandhi on Instagram to “like” a photo of a hot dog.

What type of shoes do pedophiles wear? White Vans.

Faster than a speeding bullet …… more powerful than a locomotive …… able to leap tall buildings in a single bound…… yes, these are some of Chuck Norris’s warm-up exercises.

Max the camel walks into his parents’ room at 2am and asks for a glass of water. His dad says, “Another one? That’s the second glass this month.”