Just realized that I’m finally too fat to do things during summer.

Yo mama’s so fat when she turns around they throw her a welcome back party.

What is the definition of masurbation? Coming unscrewed

what cross road chicken

My boss is having a colonoscopy today. I sure hope they find his head.

I own 2 types of fossilised animal excrement I’m a shit collector.

The United States and Britain are having a competition on who can fuck themselves up the most. Britain is in the lead, but America has a Trump card.

My Shake Weight came in the mail today! Boy, was that a mess.

I said to my wife’s mother “when you’re dead, I’ll dance in your grave.” she said: “Good, I’m being buried at sea.”

I recently learned diarrhea is genetic… Yeah, it runs in your genes.