A square, a triangle and a hexagon walk into a bar, the bartender says “Looks like you boys could use a round”

I made fun of my friend for getting off to humiliation porn. He came.

What does a blonde put behind her ears to look attractive? Her ankles.

How many Feminists does it take to change a Light Bulb? Two – One to change the Bulb and one to Blow Me

A high-pressure hose will usually stop a coworker from showing you any more baby photos.

Dog: I like pizza. Me: You’ve never had pizza. Dog: It’s food. Me: So? Dog: So I like it. Me: I’m not giving you my pizza.

Yesterday I wanted to connect a couple of watches together to build a belt to hold my pants But I figured it would be a waist of time.

I was watching a tv evangelist this morning and it made me realize how much I’m looking forward to the Rapture. Yeah, I can’t wait until all these “Christians” are gone.

Obama: Please don’t talk to me until I’ve had my morning cup of Joe. Joe: no please no more. Obama: shut up Joe. *takes a sip of Joe*

How do you tell an introvert and an extrovert mathematician apart? When talking to you, the extrovert mathematician looks at *your* shoes.