On this day in history: people related to you whose names you do not know performed actions that were never recorded.

A sandwich walks into a bar… The bartender says “Sorry, we don’t serve food in here.”

What did the last-place olympian say after someone stole his sled? What have I got to luge?

So many women, so little time to disappoint them all.

Why does everyone hate German sausage jokes? Because they’re the wurst.

Procrastination has taught me how to do 30 minutes of work in 8 hours and 8 hours of work in 30 minutes.

What Kind Of Bagel Can Fly? A Plain Bagel.

Why are French overweight homosexuals always tired? Because they are fatty gay

“I hate drama” said the woman who continued to place herself squarely in the center of it.

What breaks when you give it to a toddler? Her hips.