I’m a dyslexic tree… My life is A-OK!

Me: I’m going to bed after this episode. Netflix: Hahahahahaha! Sure. Ok.

knock knock player 1: whos there player 2: hola player 1: hola who player 2: holawhosn

A man and a fortune teller make a compromise and reach a happy medium.

Should be interesting when Trump meets the UK’s prime minister… I wonder if he will shake her hand or grab her by the pussy

The amount of stuff coming out of this woman’s handbag as she searched for her keys, I wouldn’t be surprised if that missing Malaysian plane is in there too.

Things I trust more than Trump 1.Flint, Michigan water 2.Bill Cosby drinks 3.Elevator rides with Ray Rice 4.Donated blood from Magic Johnson 5.Casey Anthony with my kid

I told my friends I’m going on a date with a cute girl. They told me she’s imaginary, but joke’s on them, so are they.

What is the favorite Pokemon of a smoked meat sandwich? Raichu

Your mama’s house is so small. . you walk into her front door and find her backyard.