I’m available if anyone needs me to ruin a good thing before it even starts.

Did you all hear Jerry Sandusky is getting a custom ipod touch? It will be known as the itouch kids!

What would Kim Jong Un call his children? His young’uns

I feel sorry for men who don’t know how to value women. One look at a woman and I KNOW how much she will cost me.

Chuck Norris once rode a bull, and nine months later it had a calf.

How many ways are there to please a guy? Three way.

What time does an Asian go to the dentist? Toof Hurty.

“Don’t kid yourself” Would be a great slogan for an abortion clinic.

What do you call cheese that’s not yours? Colby Jack’s.

What do you call an effeminate Japanese man with radiation sickness, AIDS and hemorrhegic fever? Ebola Gay.