“I don’t care how goodlooking you are if you don’t have any brains.” -Zombies

Sometimes I get mad about having to unload the dishwasher but then I remember a machine just washed my dishes for me.

Self Detonation is a real blast.. Or so I’ve heard.. C4 yourself.

I’ll always remember what my dad told me right before he died: “of course you’re supposed to use that much lighter fluid idiot.”

Wanna See a perfect Relationship? You Wanna See A Perfect Relationship? . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Watch A Movie… 😛 Coz it is possible in movies only.

If you’re looking for good jokes go to r/shitredditsays. The stuff they get angry about is pretty damn funny.

What happened when the USS Enterprise got a new toilet? William Shatner

It’s been so long since I bought groceries, this morning I saw a c**kroach move out. “Good luck,” he sighed, clutching his tiny suitcases.

Chris Brown said he’s done making music. That’s funny. I didn’t even know he started.

How did the Somali terrorist describe his flight? “It was dynamite!”