What do you call someone who wears a diaper fashioned from a map? Incontinent

If jews had a planet I would call it Jewpiter

Whats the difference between tuna, a piano and glue? You can tuna piano but you can’t piano a tuna.

What do you call feeling bad about watching lame reality TV shows? Survivor guilt.

A British engineer just started his own business in Afghanistan He’s making land mines that look like prayer mats. It’s doing well. He says prophets are going through the roof.

Went out to find a spider in my car this morning. So disappointing. I really liked that car.

What’s long, hard, goes in a vagina, out of a vagina, and leaves a whore feeling good about herself? An abortion hook.

Which is Reddit’s favourite element? M’lybdenum.

How can Donald Trump avoid impeachment? By dropping out now.

I feel bad for tailgating this minivan so closely but once I started watching Kung Fu Panda on his back seat TV I had to see it through.