My sister bet me I couldn’t make a czar out of spaghetti… Boy was she surprised when I introduced her to [Ditalini of Pereslav](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dmitry_of_Pereslavl)!

I’ve lost all control of my vowels… Now I’m completely in consonant.

Superman is using his supervision… And sees Wonder Woman lying naked in her bed! He breaks through her window and picks her up. “Surprised?” He asks. “Not as surprised as invisible man!”

She criticized my apartment… So I knocked her flat

I could host an elegant dinner party, but I don’t know enough people with simmering tension over long-held secrets to make it worthwhile.

What do you call a weak cup of tea? Subtlety.

I wanna give a shoutout to the sidewalks For keeping people off the streets.

Did you hear that Henry Ford wrote a book? The driving point is that it’s auto-biographical.

“Hand me downs” Apparently not the right way to ask the wife to hand me our disabled baby.

Earth got put in Milky Way Special Ed for being bi-polar.