What do you call the divorce between Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie? a Brexit

I like to shave my pubes… It helps reduce the wind resistance and makes me able to run faster. You haven’t seen me on the news yet because I’m too fast.

Contrary to popular belief, everyone wasn’t Kung Fu fighting, I was taking a nap.

If you’re a Mayan, I don’t even know how you show your fucking face in 2013.

I can tell so much about a person just by guessing.

What’s the worst thing to give a norteno on their birthday? A SURprise party!!

Tingly feeling You know that nice tingly feeling you get when you’re falling for someone? That’s common sense leaving your body.

What did Putin say to the U.S. and E.U. after invading Ukraine? Crimea river

Why did the bride’s best friend become a Samurai… because she was made of honour.

The worst time to find out your parents are dead is probably right after you’ve taken a large hit from helium balloon.