It says here on your resume that you are a “self-proclaimed man of few words.” Would you like to elaborate on that? Me: no

I quit cold turkey. I just reheat it now.

Why do scuba divers jump off the boat backwards? Because if they jumped forwards they’d still be in the boat.

A boy talks to his mother about what he hopes to become. The boy said, “Mom? I have something to tell you” “Go ahead”, the mother said. “I promise not to laugh.” *The boy wanted to be a comedian.*

What do a man and a rubix cube have in common? The longer you play with them, the harder they get.

What’s the difference between a cat and a comma? One has its claws at the end of its paws, and one is a pause at the end of a clause.

I’m organising an event to help raise awareness of male sexual dysfunction, particularly a failure to climax. If you can’t come, let me know.

A guy goes to his doctor. The doctor says to him, “You need to stop masturbating”. The patient says “What? Why?”. The doctor replies “So I can examine you”

How do you fix a pumpkin With a pumpkin patch… I’m so sorry.

Why does a 6 oz hamburger have less energy than a 6 oz steak? Because the hamburger is in the ground state.