Where do you find a dog with no legs? Where you left him.

Why cant you suprise a snow man? Because its an inanimate object.

trying to write a mystery novel about a cat detective but I keep getting stumped every time he has to open a door

The good news is it wasn’t a bug. The bad news is I beat the crap out of a black bean on the floor with my shoe.

I before E except after C. Yes another myth disproven by science.

A British soldier meets an Australian soldier on a warzone **British soldier**: Did you come here to die? **Australian soldier**: Nah mate, I came here yesterday!

The artist formerly known as Prince. . Is now formerly known as alive.

Britney is stranded on an island Britney is starving Britney forms tool out of rocks and sticks Britney sees a fish Britney Spears

Chuck Norris doesn’t have blood. He is filled with magma.

Why does the Pirate Wear Camouflage Underwear? To hide his booty.