I don’t know how you women do it. Every time I try to “sleep my way to the top” I get woken up and sent to HR.

Marmalade Q. What’s the difference between jam and marmalade? A. You can’t marmalade your cock in someone’s arse

I went to a club completely infested by tourettes suffering women last night. Any time I approached one they told me to fuck off.

I’ve always wanted to be an organ trader But I didn’t have the stomach for it.

ladies, call me a badly designed excel spreadsheet because my D column is unnecessarily large

How do you call a judge that only gives innocent veredicts because he gave up on law school and knows nothing? a quitter.

Reminding Dad I’m too old for adoption really bums him out because that was one of his favorite threats when I was growing up

Who is ISIL’s favorite Star Wars character? ADMIRAL ACKBAR! ADMIRAL ACKBAR! ADMIRAL ACKBAR!

my penis was in the guinness world records book then the librarian told me to take it out

what do you call it when a prostitute cries while having sex hormones