I think my neighbor might be stalking me because she won’t stop googling me. I saw it through my telescope last night

Girls always think i’m ugly until they look into my wallet then they think i’m ugly and poor

My annual performance review says I lack “passion & intensity”, guess management hasn’t seen me alone with a Big Mac.

What do snowmen call their offspring? Chill-dren.

“hey is that a banana in your pock–” *his pants open* *a banana steps out* *it walks towards you* *it hugs you* “u have freed me. thank u

You haven’t experienced awkward until you tickle someone who isn’t ticklish.

What do you call a water on a baby deer? fondue

Daddy, where do oranges come from? Well son, when a red and a yellow really love each other…

I would like to learn more about frequencies But whenever I try to measure it, it only Hertz

I’m starting to think that the Facebook status update I liked has had absolutely no influence on Government policy at all …