Trump made up his very own word for what he will be in less than 2 years “Unpresidented”

Vegan pizza…. is basically just the box.

I like to stand in crowded elevators facing the wrong way with a confused look on my face, and finally exclaim, “Oh, it’s an ELEVATOR.”

What did the little mountain say to the big mountain? “Hi, Cliff “

A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm and says: “A beer please, and one for the road.”

What do you call a midget esse? A paragraph. Because he ain’t a full esse.

What’s long and green and has an asshole at each end? A St. Patrick’s Day parade!

*kills time while waitimg for train* oh no with time dead the train will never arrive

What’s black and white and red all over? A penguin that’s been knifed

I think I met a medieval water snake But I can’t tell if it actually happened or if it was a dream. It was totally Sir Eel.