Q: How many Orthodox Rabbis does it take to change a light bulb? A: Change?

Before social networking you could just completely forget someone existed. And it was great

A knock knock joke I made up when I was 5. Knock knock. “Who’s there?” Amanda. “Amanda who?” A man, duh. (Thought it was hilarious at the time.)

I always blurt out, “SAY HELLO TO MY LITTLE FRIEND” in my best Al Pacino Scarface accent when I stand next to a stranger at a urinal.

One my 12-year-old cousin told me What’s the difference between broccoli and boogers? Children don’t eat broccoli.

What’s denser than a black hole? Your ex.

1) “Obamas spying on you.”2) “Eh. Cost of being free!”1) “Obama wants to give you healthcare.”2) “WHO THE HELL DOES HE THINK HE IS?”

Knock Knock Who’s there ! Coffin ! Coffin who ? Coffin and spluttering !

“Put your hands in the air like you just don’t care” is offensive to those of us in the apathy community. But whatever.

*wife comes out in a robe* I’m hiding your present Yes it’s wrapped Nooo, it’s not in the fridge [5 minutes later] IT’S NOT IN THE FRIDGE!