I found a dead girl on the golf course It was a difficult shot, but I was able to chip it over her head and right up onto the green.

Eleven Years ago Greece won Euro 2004 Today, Greece would be happy with 2004 Euros.

Why the hell do they call it fruit punch, like where do they get “punch” fr.. *gets knocked out by a grapefruit*

[Me flirting with a twenty something] Him: When last did you get lit? Me: This morning. It was really sunny so I was well illuminated.

Arnold Schwarzenegger was asked if he wanted to upgrade to Windows 10. He replied, “I still love Vista, baby”.

What has a tongue, cannot walk, but gets around a lot? Steven Hawking

Honk if you love Jesus. Text while driving if you’d like to meet Him.

Everybody laughed at me when I said I was going to be a standup comedian. They’re not laughing now.

Pornography is often frowned upon. But that’s only because I’m concentrating.

Roses are red, violets are fine, I’ll be the 6 if you’ll be the 9.