I don’t know why people get so upset about the death penalty It’s a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity, after all.

So is Walmart a verb now? As in, “I’m out of clean underwear, so I’m going to have to Walmart it today.”

[at doctor] can u cough for me please? *coughs* again please *coughs* i see i see. i’m afraid you have a cough

Chris Brown was the director of what film? Sucker Punch

I would request a last meal of soda and pop rocks so I could die on my own terms.

Why Did 9Gag Cross The Road? To steal a Reddit User’s post on the other side.

I’ve got a good knock knock joke. But you have to start it

I’ve been married to my wife for 34 years. We now only have hallway sex… When you pass each other in the hallway and both just say “Fuck You”

Remembering idioms is easy It’s not rocket fuel

There’s a lot of mountains high enough to keep me away from you. You see that Everest mountain? Ain’t no way I’m climbing that for you.