A horse walks into a pub and the bartender says, “hey we’ve got a drink named after you”. The horse responded, “what, Eric, really”?

Hey guys remember to visit Russia Before they visit you.

I didn’t think Miss Hilton could consume all those painkillers at once, but wow! Paracetomol!

i’d tel a joke about classical music But you would’nt be able to handel it.

Nothing makes you look like an alcoholic more than not knowing how you got a cut on your face.

How many architects does it take to change a light bulb? Just one but he has to coordinate ten other professionals who are doing this quiet complicated task.

There are 7 trillion nerves in the human body and some people manage to get on every one.

If you’re nice to an animal, it loves you for life. If you’re nice to a person, who the fuck knows what’s gonna happen.

WHAT DO WE WANT? Migraine relief. WHEN DO WE WANT IT? Yell again & they’ll never find your body.

How do you turn a duck into a soul singer? Put it in the microwave until it’s Bill Whithers.