How many frames per second does it take to screw in a light bulb? 30 because that’s peasants work.

TIL of a man who masturbated in public for 16 hours straight before police arrived. He was wrist strained.

the most efective way to clean ur room, start a creative project, run errands, cook, brush ur teeth and take a shower is to study for a exam

Slaves be like “Oh, you worked four years for your Bachelors?” I worked 50 for my Masters

I’m sorry I showed you snaps from my colonoscopy after you made me look at your ultrasound. I thought we were sharing pics of our innards.

Time flies like an arrow, fruit flies like a banana… and butterflies like margarine.

What did the porn star wear to court? Birthday suit

Him: drink? Me: I have a boyfriend Him: I have a goldfish Me: What??? Him: I thought we were talking about shit that don’t matter

What do you call a cow which can no longer produce milk? An udder failure.

What is Gucci Mane’s favorite kind of cheese? Gruyeauuuurrrrrrrrrr