only 10 to live Doctor: “I’m sorry but you suffer from a terminal illness and have only 10 to live.” Patient: “What do you mean, 10? 10 what? Months? Weeks?!” Doctor: “Nine.”

How do you pick out the extroverted engineer? He’s the one staring at YOUR feet when he talks

NICE SPREAD you know where there are certain things you’re not supposed to eat buy you cant help yourself? that’s why I can never be a gynecologist

Why did the condom hit the wall? It was pissed off.

So how do you confuse a blonde Redditor? [Answer](http://www.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/2pi5rn/so_how_do_you_confuse_a_blonde_redditor/)

The reason angels can fly… …is that they take themselves lightly. **G. K. Chesterton**

Science at its finest. Why are all subatomic particles gay? Because they are all atoms

2night’s funniest bit: a fellow comic enters the room &, given a choice between talking w/ me & w/ a homeless man, chooses the homeless man.

I felt a rush of culture shock wash over me as I walked through a middle eastern market It was bazaar

The Home Alone house is up for sale for 2.4 mil. I’d pay 2.5 (if I had it) just so I could say, “Keep the change you filthy animal.”