I could lose 120 pounds in less than a week, but apparently there’s some kind of silly NewYork law against killing your ex.

What do you call a police officer who has just finished masturbating? Pulled pork!

My friend said this in the middle of class. Best joke I have EVER heard. Why was 6 afraid of 7? Because 7 knew what 6 and 9 were doing.

Having sex while drunk is like trying to pierce a Capri Sun with an earthworm

‘How I Met Your Mother’- is definitely The longest TED talk ever!

How did the puppeteer meet the President? He pulled some strings.

Why did the Cold War never happen? Because Joseph was Stalin.

Q: what do you call an orange Jew? A: Ivanka trump

How many IT people does it take to change a light bulb? They don’t have to change the light bulb, they buy LED’s…..My first original joke submitted to reddit! Hope you like 🙂

Three gay deer walk out of a bar: One turns to the others and says “I can’t believe I blew 30 bucks in there”