When life hands you gators, make Gatorade…just kidding-that means life hates you because the gators would totally kill and eat you 1st.

Richard and friend arguing Richard makes good point Richard’s friend says mark my words Richard Marx

Damn, just found out my highlighter leaked!! Now everything in my bag seems important!

What did Jarod from subway get on his first night in jail? A foot long

The problem with political jokes is they get elected. –Henry Cate VII

Read It and Weep: A Book on How to Cry

How big would jupiter be if it was as close to the earth as the moon….. Pretty damn big (courtesy of my daughter)

*walking with my girlfriend on a beach* *i get down on one knee* “will you ma…” *a dog walks past & farts so loud it drowns out my voice*

Judge: I find him… not guilty *Tom Brady breathes a sigh of relief* Cop: *cuffing him* So that’s where the air was, huh? We finally gotcha

where is the best way to hide a nutella? i’m nutelling you