Why wasn’t the son of God worried when Microsoft Word crashed while he was writing his term paper? Because Jesus saves.

Modern music is like taking a poop you like it at first, but then you realize its all shit in the end

A man goes to a job interview… Interviewer: “What’s your greatest weakness?” Man: “Probably my honesty.” Interviewer: “I don’t think that’s a weakness.” Man: “I don’t give a fuck what you think.”

There was a spider in my bathroom so I threw the cat at it. The spider is dead but the cat’s pretty pissed

Why did the gay man sue the mental hospital? They held him in a straightjacket.

I don’t understand how there can be different shoe sizes. I mean, everyone’s feet are a foot long.

How’d the preacher catch A.I.D.S. in Africa? Missionary style.

So I organized a threesome last night! …there were a couple no shows, but I really enjoyed myself.

Why do children cry when they find out Santa isn’t real? They figured out who has been drinking their milk and eating the cookies!

(Teaching Kid to Ride a Bike) KID:Dad, I’m scared ME:It’s okay. The closest tree is a mile away TREE:*rushes up to kid and clotheslines him*