what do you call a cow with two legs? Lean meat!!

Twitter=Whats happening? FB=Whats on your mind? FourSquare= Where am I? Quora=what? Youtube=What Im watching. LinkedIn=Whats in it for me?

College parties are great: You’re taking shots with future doctors and the next Supreme Court judge is throwing up in the bathroom.

“Awww look my boyfriend left his Facebook open, I’m going to log him off without checking his inbox.” Said no woman ever

I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but I’d love to be the bear of bad news. “The bad news is, you’re gonna need stitches. RAWR!”

My voicemail message is just instructions on how to send a text message with brief pauses filled with heavy sighing.

I caught my employee sleeping on my office couch today. I didn’t know if I should fire him, or tell him what I did on it last night.

Why do Asian parents never have a white baby? Cause two Wongs don’t make a white

A favourite high school teacher’s go-to Knock Knock joke. Knock knock. *-Who’s there?* Interrupting cow. *-Interrup-* **MOO**

It’s impossible to beat God in gymnastics. He always wins the all-around.