How many Bros does it take to change a lightbulb? None cuz it’s already lit af

Did you hear about the mathematician who hated negative numbers? He would always stop at nothing to avoid them.

If there’s no God, why are feet naturally shoe-shaped?

My favorite hobby is pretending to be surprised when my credit card is declined.

Treat her like she’s the only girl on Earth. Nothing makes a woman happier than the thought of every other woman disappearing forever.

When she screams “deeper!”… But you’re all out of poems.

How many software engineers does it take to change a light bulb? None. That’s a hardware problem.

What’s the difference between Bill Clinton and Israel? Hillary won’t suck Bill’s dick.

“The hits just keep on coming.” – A radio Dj/abusive parent.

*pulls handle on slot machine *prune *prune *prune *diarrhea comes out