Muslims are boycotting Delta… Now making Delta the safest airline

What would you get if you crossed a snowman and a vampire? Frostbite !

[airplane intercom] good afternoon ladies and gentlemen this is your captain speaking why did you leave without me

A Stupid Boyfriend Thought LOL Meant “Lots Of Love”. So He Sent This Text To His Girlfriend,”You Are Only Girl Of My Life…….LOL”.

A man walks out of a bar… drunk and looks at his watch,it says 10:00 and after a few seconds it changes to 10:01 and he yells out “I time travelled!”

Why did the chicken dance with a fig? It couldn’t get a date.

It’s not that I accept the Terms and Conditions. It’s just that I would rather not spend the rest of my life reading them.

Whenever I hear about a kid getting in trouble with drugs, I like to tell him this story.

“Comedians” don’t RT because? A. Their tweets are pure gold. B. This is just a joke-tryout site. C. They know we’re all funnier than them.

Girl in front of me at the store this morning bought a Kool-Aid Burst and a big Slim Jim. Heroes walk amongst us, folks. Real life heroes.