What’s the best joke you ever heard? For me, it’s gotta be Emo Phillips’ Baptist joke. Although to tell it you’ve gotta get his execution down.

“No points, illegal kick to the face.” “But I’m the hero of this movie.” “Fair enough, here’s your trophy.” -The Karate Kid

I hate these supposedly “funny t-shirts”. Just the other day I saw one which on the front said “I’m not gay…” and on the back said “but my boyfriend is”. So I asked my girlfriend to take it off.

What is Hilary Clintons favorite part about going to the beach? Her Flip-Flops.

What do you call a Mexican that’s lost his car? Carlos

My favorite episode of Friends is the one where blacks mysteriously vanish and unemployed white people find affordable housing in Manhattan.

That sunken Nazi submarine they just found is a lot like my girlfriend Dead and full of seamen

You may think it’s a good idea to go to weight watchers to meet women… but actually the ones there are quite hard to pick up.

What do you get if you cross a giraffe with a dog ? An animal that barks at low flying aircraft !

Safety Tip: lock your doors and windows before bed. Btw, I love what you’ve done with the place.