Some days I ask, “What would Chewbacca do?” And the answer is always, “Make that gargly roaring sound.” So that’s what I do.

“tell… my wife… i loved her…” carl dies. NOO! U LOVED HER WHAT?! *shakes body* U LOVED HER… TITYS? HER CAT? *slaps face* PLS WAKE UP

Rap videos are completely unrealistic. Nobody has that many friends.

What’s sexist and not a concern for feminist? Misandry

Moves shopping cart to allow car to park Lady doesn’t even say thanks Puts cart back behind her car Leaves.

Q: Why did the haunted house not like rain? A: Because it dampened his spirits.

A “clear memory” button, but for my brain. And while we’re at it, a “delete cookies” button, but for my thighs.

How many psychologists does it take to change a light bulb? One. But only if the light bulb wants to change.

What is 19 cm long, pink and my girlfriend screams when i put it in her mouth? her abortion

I’m starting to think people are having babies solely for the Facebook likes.