Why did the snail cross the road ? It is not clear yet , let it cross the road first. Update : It has been confirmed that it was to meet the Chicken who crossed the road earlier.

High joke A cop stops a man and asks “how high are you?” The man replies.” That is wrong english. You should say ‘Hi how are you?’”

So I was at Legoland the other day and I saw a couple making out I thought it was inappropiate so walked up to them and said “Come on guys, this is Legoland. Build a room.”

What do you do when a cannibal eats a vegetable? Throw away the wheelchair

So I asked my dad… So I asked my dad during Christmas dinner if anything were home made? He replied “definitely not you.”

Someone please recommend a self-help book that can teach me how to sleep through an alarm.

THEM: You can’t go wrong with this recipe. ME: Watch me.

What do you call a political conservative woman who is required to always be there? Amanda Tory

Why did the detective wear a patch on his left eye? It’s his private eye.

SON: I’m moving out as soon as I turn 18 and you can’t stop me. ME: [pumping fist] If you insist.