We had a pop quiz in culinary school today. It was a piece of cake.

How do you piss off Winnie the Pooh? Put two fingers in his honey.

Life is like a game of chess The whites have the advantage

What do you call an 83 year old black man? Dick Gregory

Every time I have sex with a woman I always assume she has herpes… …that way I don’t have to tell her about mine.

Why was 6 afraid of 7? Bcuz 7 8 9!

My girlfriend and I decided we aren’t ready for a baby yet, so I double-bagged it. It worked; babies cannot breath through two layers of plastic shopping bag.

Whats blue and doesn’t fit anymore A dead epileptic

What do toys and boobs have in common? **They were both originally made for *kids*, but *dad* ends up playing with them!**

What I hate most. I hate people who never finish their sent