I bet r/clocks is blowing up right now. [x-post from Showerthoughts]

Eating a banana. Thought I should tell you. Twitter seems concerned about women getting enough potassium. But… why can’t I use my teeth?

What happens when you drop a piano in a mine? A Flat Minor

Pete and Repeat were on a boat. Pete fell off, so who was left?

Why are the British known for keeping a stiff upper lip? Because it hides their teeth.

How Many Hillary Supporters Does It Take To Screw In A Lightbulb? Why NONE of course, they prefer to remain in the dark!

Q: What has Clinton done that no one has been able to do in the last 5 years? A: Unite the Republican Party.

I’m going to open a restaraunt called pantera bread It will be similar to panera bread, but the food we serve will be much heavier

a C, Eb, and a G walk into a bar… The bartender says “sorry we don’t serve minors here,” so the Eb walks out and the C and the G have a fifth between them.

UPS, FedEx, and DHL trucks should play a jingle like ice cream trucks so we know when our packages are coming.