Batman: “I am…**BATMAN!**” “Hi, Batman, I’m not Dad because yours already died when you were a kid.”

Why do asians have such squinty eyes? Because atomic bombs are pretty bright.

I’m such a daredevil. I put ALL my eggs in one basket at the grocery store.

The pleasure is all mine… The greeting of a greedy hedonist.

A food truck rodeo is a lot like the game The Oregon Trail You circle your wagons. You trade money for food. And it usually ends with dysentery.

Don’t go to a fight with a gun or a knife, Bubblewrap yourself, People won’t fight when there’s bubblewrap

What is Minion’s favourite brand? Banana Republic~BA~NA~~NA~~~

Why did the chicken kill himself? To get to the other side.

How many hours A guys asked he’s wife “how many hours will it take me to get to 80 miles going 80mph” the wife looks at him confused and answers “80 hours”

How does the Ultimate Warrior repair his car? With parts unknown.