“So….sad…..must…text…everyone I know…” ~ Girls

The Anesthesiologist has become Comfortably numb.

What do you call a parrot when it has dried itself after a bath? Polly unsaturated!

Say what you want about deaf people

There’s only two things I hate in this world: intolerance… and the Portuguese.

An apple a day Keeps the government away

I thought I was wrong once But I was mistaken

What is more dangerous than a polar bear? A bi-polar bear.

No one sleeps with Gandalf because it takes him until first light on the fifth day to come.

You’re invited to my Oscar party! The theme is movie star cuisine which means there won’t be any food.