A student brought me 20 huge homemade chocolate chip cookies today. Good thing I have self-control–I saved one for my kids. To split.

Green smoothies because who has the time or energy to chew 17 cups of spinach/lettuce/kale

After a tornado tore through town, thankfully no one was hurt. The trees were stripped bare, though. God breathed a sigh of releaf.

What is McDonald’s demolition service called? Quarter pounder.

Sun Devil Fans What is the difference between a Sun Devil fan and a pet rock? About 3 IQ points

So I was petting a duckling the other day… you could say I was feeling a little down.

Two and a half men would be way funnier with an all black cast But then it would have to be called one and 3/5ths men

If you received a blow job from a toothless Japanese woman, Would you call that oralgumi?

What’s red and green and wears boxing gloves? A fruit punch.

What do you call a deaf person who can’t lip read? Anything you want!