Did some Doomsday Prepping today Have enough food for 71 minutes

What does 90 year old Pu$$y taste like? Depends…

Want to depress yourself? Realize that someday Tom Hanks will die. Want to cheer yourself up? Remember that right now, Tom Hanks is alive.

3 Politicians go to Heaven…

What does Snoop Dogg use an umbrella for? Fo Drizzle!

What do you get when you cross a rabbit with strawberry soda? A berry bubbly bunny.

Keep the Earth clean! Its not Uranus.

I’m the cat whisperer. because I whisper, “I could kill you with my bare hands” to them daily.

I lied awake all last night waiting for the sun to come up… And then it dawned on me.

Why deal with the petty hassles of being in an actual relationship when you can watch Corona commercials and remember why you’re single?