Overheard in the nucleus… Q: Are you sure you’re a proton? A: Yes, I’m positive.

Do I have friends? Are we allowed to count the enemies of my enemies? Then yes, I have a bunch of friends.

I found out my vacation to Greece is tax deductible Apparently it falls under charity work

People say you are what you eat….. So I guess it’s a compliment when someone calls you a cunt

How do you keep an idiot in suspense? [Click here for the punchline](http://www.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/1yya5x/how_do_you_keep_an_idiot_in_suspense/)

An art museum robber is caught when he tries to get away…. A reporter asks him what went wrong with the robbery. He answers ” I didn’t have the Monet to buy Degas to make the Van Gogh.

A donkey falls into a bowl of sugar… Now, that’s a sweet ass.

The police just released a statement that someone is going around pickpocketing midgets. I’m surprised someone could stoop so low.

Na Fa Fo Na Na Fo Fo -Sassy black girl giving me her digits.

Do you think all these parents who named their daughters after flowers really gave much thought to how much teenage boys like to pluck?