What do they say about a rapper who stole a dictionary? He got a way with words.

Did you know that Helen Kellet was born near Troy, Alabama? I guess that’s why they called her … yhe little deaf girl who couldn’t see neither

The original title for Star Wars was “Skywalker: Texas Ranger”. Starring Chuck Norris.

Dwarf Shortage I know, it’s a short joke

When the ex asks to be friends… it’s like your mum telling you that your dog is dead but you can keep it.

I said hi to Ellen Pao today She told me to stop being sexist

What do you do to backwards scented muffins? sniffum

Me: I weigh 10x more than the cat and yet she trusts me completely. So sweet. You: Me: You: It’s a lot more than 10x. Me: Don’t ruin this.

Today is world piles day Get yourself checked. If you don’t have piles, celebrate for being a “perfect asshole” If you do have piles, still celebrate, for being a “pain in the ass”

She said she was stripping to feed her kids but then got pissed when I started throwing food at her.