I basically have three hairstyles. 1. Straight 2. Wavy 3. Homeless

I let a Jehovahs Witness in my home, I sat him down and said, ‘what do you have to tell me?’ he said, ‘I don’t know, never made it this far’

What did the buffalo say to his son when he left for college? Bison.

I just spent the last four hours connecting all of my watches together to make a belt. Complete waist of time.

Just been chatting to my neighbor’s teenage daughter It turns out she’s really into aliens and UFOs Which is cool because tommorow she’s getting abducted

I went to the largest campsite in germany it was mein kampf by blitz creek

Where do you guys stand on the cheese debate? I’m staunchly pro-volone.

People who live in glass houses shouldn’t throw orgies.

Envelope containing poop. Sorry for the shit post.

What is a chinese pirate an expert at? Flying a plane.