I like my coffee black… like it’s waiting for it’s welfare check.

What did the Chinese man in an unhappy marriage say when he found out his wife faked her death? “I never bereaved her anyways.”

An obgyn was fired from his job So decided to become a comedian, but he failed at that as well. I guess he just always screwed up the delivery…

Alexander Godunov Is Alexander a good dancer?

A redditor and his friend, Elle, walk into a bar… The redditor notices a jar of mayonnaise on the bar, so he says, “Hey, Elle, a mayo!”

What’s the opposite of shell shock? Shell expectation

Keen silence from a dinner guest as she looks across the living room and realizes I made her bridesmaid dress into a dog bed.

When is decency going to be cool again?

What’s the difference between a good haircut and a bad haircut? About 3 weeks.

ME: [bumps man] MAN: [spills coffee] Say sorry ME: No MAN: Then I’ll see you in court ME: [remembers I own a camouflage suit] You won’t