The Suicide Bomber Teacher said to his student… “Come here and listen closely, I’m only gonna show you this once”…

Hey baby, are you a parking ticket? because i’m not going to pay you

I asked a Scottish friend of mine how many sexual partners he’d had. He started counting but fell asleep. Edit: WOW my top post is now a bestiality joke. Thanks guys 🙂

Thanks to Volkswagen, I’m now even starting to doubt if Herbie was a true story.

Shakira’s hips just told me 9/11 was an inside job and now I don’t know what to believe.

No sin mi supervision Jaimito Mama mama! Puedo usar el coche? -No sin mi supervision Jaimito! -Ui perdon por no tener superpoderes como tu!! jajaja

Thinking about going as a prostitute for Halloween, but confused about at what point turning a trick becomes a treat.

I’m sure it’s just a coincidence that pop music has gotten shittier since we started picking our artists on game shows.

I swear to god if my girlfriend calls me immature one more time… She’s never getting her nose back.

What has 100 legs and sixteen teeth? The front row of a Willie Nelson concert.