I secretly like days when none of my facebook friends have birthdays.

What is Obama’s last name? care

Remember the guy who played in the deer hunter, and pulp fiction? Christopher something or other… Anyway, I heard that he’s opening a new hospital. They’re calling it the Walken clinic.

I hate it when I’m at someone’s house and they ask stupid questions like “Who are you?” and “Is that a gun?”

What do you call a Korean with special needs? Special K

I lost 42 pounds!!! Help me find her before her mother comes back!

Did you hear about the hard working sander company that refuses to give their workers kneepads. Aka Bernie Sanders.

The Navy should develop something based on “gaydar” that would allow ships & planes to recognize approaching objects.

What do get when you cross a Jehovah’s witness and a Hells Angel? Someone who knocks on your front door and tells you to piss off.

“prepare for battle” they said Yet they didnt prepare themselves