TGIF Tongue goes in First

I ate an entire box of delicious Triscuit crackers, and 8 hours later gave birth to a wicker chair.

There are two types of people Those who use false dichotomies, and those who don’t.

What do you call a bunch of Christmas nuts bragging about their sex lives in a hotel lobby? Chestnuts boasting in an open foyer.

I tried telling a joke my friend from Baghdad told me. Unfortunately, Iraqed it.

What do you do if your girlfriend starts smoking? Slow down and use Lubricant.

I wish my girlfriend went down as much… as the pound did last night.

My new house has special needs It has a re-tarred driveway.

Help stop domestic violence… Each year, 1 in 5 people are violently domesticated

Jurassic World Fight That fight scene at the end was really intense. I can’t help but think those dinos will be sore tomorrow.