What do punctuation marks win in competitions? Apos-trophies

what happens when you cross the Atlantic with the titanic? about halfway

Of all the things we should be thankful for at this time of year, not being a turkey is probably the main one.

I’ve been putting my sunglasses on and walking away from things in slow motion all day, nothing has exploded yet.

I’m at a second grade music recital and this is by far the most effective form of birth control I’ve ever tried.

How many hipsters does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Some obscure number you’ve never heard of

What’s the difference between Ellen Pao and a pitbull? Lipstick

When hubs is sleeping I put my Care Bear blanket on him and take the most adorable blackmail photos ever.

What day do soldiers hate the most? March Fourth

I was Going to tell a Racist Joke… But then my black friend stole them all.