Sometimes, just to annoy my Therapist, I’ll ask him; “so how does my lack of progress make you feel?”

Q: what did one ass cheek say to the other? A: together we can stop this shit

You know you’re married when you find her sexier with clothes on.

I have determined that the origin of monkeys on earth must be Neptune… …because it is the ape planet in our solar system!

JOKE: How does a woman go about inventing a lightbulb? She gives birth to a son.

If I ever visit Japan, the first thing I’ll do is run through those paper walls pretending I’m the Kool-Aid man.

So I asked my North Korean friend how’s life there He said he can’t complain

Her: What’s your fantasy? Me: Sexy nurse! H: Meet me in the bedroom. [10 minutes later] *we both come in wearing nurse costumes* M: Uh.

Why did the photographer get arrested? He was charged with shooting kids and framing the parents.

Why was the blond late on her first day of work? Because she stopped taking the pill about a month earlier.