A hot mess? No, thanks. Sounds sticky and uncomfortable. I prefer my messes like I prefer my revenge: cold and served to someone else.

Sometimes when I’m alone in my room I squat down, grab hold of my ankles and lean forward. Coz that’s how I roll.

I had a friend who claimed he didn’t see race… I didn’t believe him until the 5K incident

What’s the darkest joke you know? No limits who can disgust me the most? Best part of fucking 21 year olds? Theres 20 of them

Two women are sitting together quietly . . .

The worst thing about rich people is that I’m not one of them.

Who are the world’s fastest readers? The 911 victims. They went through 50 stories in a minute. I’m so sorry

I thought yesterday was going to be pretty boring… But it sure started off with a bang.

Two dyslexics run into a bank… and they shout “Air in the hands mother stickers, this is a fuck up!”

My friend died from eating too much waterfowl I thought he had lived a good, happy life He told me that he was full of Egrets