TIL if you buy the new MacBook Pro There is no escape.

Which blood type was created by mistake? Type O.

What did the leper say to the prostitute? you can keep the tip

wife: “remember when i said you were too friendly all the time?” me: [making cup of tea] “no im not” burglar: “two sugars please”

How many skin divers does it take to circumcise a whale? 4 skin divers

People who incessantly go on and on about replacing things that taste good with quinoa, please stop

What do you call a dead chicken that’s haunting your house? A poultrygeist

Why does a girl who uses chewing tobacco give the best head? Because she’s knows what to spit and what to swallow.

What do you call A Bohemian Lumberjack? …A *Blogger.* ( I’ll see myself out.. 🙂

Some guy at a party asked me, “Who’s cheese is on those chips?” [Fixed] And I said, “Well, obviously *na-chos*.” Get it? It sounds like ‘*not yours*’ with an accent.